Today was my long run day and after completing 9 miles last week , I was aiming for 10 this week. As soon as I started out, I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I always say the first 3 miles are the hardest as your body warms up and you get into your stride. Well the first 3 miles came and went, my legs ached, my lungs hurt from the cold air.... I kept pushing hoping that that magic button at mile 3 would switch itself on and all the niggles would go away....... 5 miles came and I still felt like crap. I really really wanted to give up at this stage....... I was running along I hated where I lived, I hated the weather, I hated that damn ankle injury and blamed everyone in the whole world that this run was going nowhere I HATED RUNNING!!!!!!!!
There I was running along hating everything and everyone in this whole god dam world and I was so bloody stupid for taking on far to much, juggling being a single mum, working on my diploma, bogged under at work with admin and why on why would I attempt a Half Ironman with all the training I am doing, my body was tired and I hated myself.
I then saw some tracks that I had never ran down but had passed on a few occasions so I thought right lets see where they go. It was here that finally I came to my senses, running x country, concentrating where I was going, watching out for cows, which made me stop concentrating on everything that was wrong or hurting and I began to relax. The ice was glistening in the sunlight, the heroin I disturbed flew up over my head, the strength in me returned.
It made me realise that there is always strength in our soul and sometimes we have to dig that little bit deeper to find it and sometimes I am allowed to hate the world momentarily because it reminds me how wonderful life actually is. I know I have the inner strength and determination to do ANYTHING I want and I took on all these challenges because I know I can do it. I will take on anything the world throws at me and that's why I set myself these challenges.
Now I'm not saying that my run actually got much easier after that, it was still an immense struggle but I knew I would finish it, I would run further than last week even if it was only 0.3 of a mile.
I could call this a bad run, a slow run but you know what it wasn't. It reminded me I shouldn't take my fitness for granted and I am very lucky that I am back running and going x country might have made my ankle ache but that's because it need strengthening up. I also know I have a fantastic support network behind me.... you all know who you are...... love you guys!!!